20 June 2020

I spent a little time this afternoon with my extended in-law family, and as usual conversation was loud and funny.

I posed a question which brought about instant, loud, robust discussion.  There were those who had very emphatic opinions that would not ever be swayed by others opinions, those who didn’t really have a definite opinion but had leanings toward each side of the equation, and those who quite frankly didn’t really understand the question and didn’t really want to think about either option.

The question was “Which would you prefer to stand in, dog poo or cow poo?”

I obviously pose the most interesting and philosophical quandaries for people to dwell on.

The overwhelming response from the most emphatic of relatives was instantly “Cow!”. I did of course ask for reasons, which were apparently that it was more natural because you would obviously be on a farm and that’s where cow poo would be. The other opinion was that dog poo too closely resembles human poo and for this reason alone, cow poo would be preferable.

There was an older, more reasoned response, which pushed the discussion beyond the straight ‘poo’ scenario to propose other factors in the question. The fact that this element came from an accountant may not come as surprise to some.

The age of the poo became a factor to be discussed. Memories of collecting cow cakes from paddocks to take home to fertilise rose bushes. Poo from other animals was brought into the discussion. The relative size of the poo became a discussion point, but also the possibility that if you were going to be in a location where cow poo may be an option, you would obviously be wearing waterproof footwear.

I had to point out that there was never any option of footwear involved. This little piggy will meet that big smelly squishy lump with no Wellington boot as a barrier.

This was all done at the standard volume that discussions amongst my in-laws is carried out at.

So – if you were, for example, a random door to door salesman wandering around the houses in Eaton in the south-west of WA this afternoon, maybe trying to flog encyclopaedias, for example, you might have heard a screaming match about poo. And decided that these crazed people did not need your books,  as they appeared to already have an encyclopaedic knowledge of all things poo related.

The vast majority of the relatives present expressed a determined preference for bovine excrement squished up between their toes.

(But they would really prefer to be wearing rubber boots that could be hosed off afterwards, and they would prefer the poo to be aged to a certain level of solidity).

Poo is poo. I think I’d prefer it to stay on the bottom of my foot, not to reach my ankles.

Where do you stand in the dog vs cow poo debate?