15 Aug 2020

A juvenile female member of my family has had another very busy day. You might have some ideas as to who I’m talking about. This is what her Saturdays are usually like.

2am – Hunt through house to find food. Only dry food in the bowl, nothing exciting.

2.15am – Bury dry food in Mum and Dads bed.

5am – Clean behind Dad’s ears

6.30am – When Dad gets up to go to the toilet, immediately leap up to grab his mouth guard from his bedside table.

6.35am – Sulk because I get told off.

6.40am – Deeeeep sleep.

6.50am – Leap out of bed when offered a visit down to the park.

7.20am – Back home and need to have my hair dried with the hair dryer because of wet grass. I don’t mind the hair dryer but I don’t like being brushed.

7.40am – The family are going to cafe for breakfast so of course I’m coming!

◦ 7.45am – I bask in the adulation of my fans at the cafe. They love me and give me treats.

7.55am – Look on in very sincere concern when my fans at the cafe appear to give treats to OTHERS!!! That’s not me!!!! Maybe they meant to give me more treats but forgot what I look like?

8.00am – The rest of the family appear to have bacon. I don’t appear to have a plate of my own. This is a big concern. And they don’t appear to be paying attention to my subtle hints that they could share their bacon.

8.20am – Belly full of poached eggs and bacon. Waddle back home.

8.30am – Sleeeeeeep.

10am – We are going out in the car. I love car rides. I usually sit on Mums shoulders so I can look out the window. Sometimes she complains about sore shoulders but I don’t know why. Ooh we are at Kings Park! Sooo many pretty flowers!

10.15am – Ooh rocks! And water! I love climbing rocks. I love water too…

10.40am – Coffee stop. There are a lot of four legged animals around here. Why do people bring DOGS to these cafes? It’s very unhygienic. I’ll just sit on my Mums shoulders, or on the cafe chair and glare at them. Some of those dogs bark at each other. I tell them off. There’s no bacon on offer here either. Just coffee. Boring.

10.50am – More flowers. They smell nice but there’s a lot of bees on them. And I can sense that dogs have been peeing on them. I know these things, I’m very sensitive.

11.20am – Mum and Dad let me climb the rocks near the waterfall. It’s heaps of fun but apparently they don’t want me to have a swim in the stream. Meanies.

11.45am – Home and sleeeeeeeeeeeeep.

12.30pm – Mum and Dad having lunch and Mum offers me a little bit of cheese but I can’t open both eyes enough to find it. So….. sleeeeeeeep.

2.15pm – Dad is snoring while watching football, but Mum decides to go to the shops so…

2.20-2.55pm – Panicked staring out the front window, wondering if Mum is EVER going to come home from the shops.

3.00pm – Mums back, so… sleeeeeeeeep.

3.40pm – Big run with my friends at the park. Someone once told me not to accept treats from strangers, but…. there’s an old man who comes to the park on sunny days when he knows my friends and I will be there, and he gives us treats. He does it a lot, so he’s not really a stranger, is he? My other friends usually grab their treat and run away to eat it, but I sit on his lap when he gives me treats. Sometimes I sit on his backpack, just in case he forgets to give me treats.

4.40pm – Home and sleeeeeeep.

5.00pm – Panic stations. Mum and Dad are going out!!!!! They are going to leave me home alone!!!! Oh no! What will I do? What if a burglar comes in? What if I forget where my food is? Mum thinks she can distract me with my favourite treat, but…

5.01pm – Oooh! Yummy treat, nice!!

6.15pm – It’s a burglar!! They are coming right through the front door!! With keys!!!

6.16pm – Josh is gone!!! Thank goodness you’re home, Josh. Mum and Dad left me here and a burglar almost broke in!!!

6.18pm – Sleeeeep

7.00pm – Bored. What are we going to do, Josh? I’ll come upstairs and watch video games with you, shall I? Can I play? No? How about a treat then? No?Boooooring!

7.15pm – Find more dry food. Hide some in the couch for later on, in case I get hungry and I forget where the food bowl is.

7.30pm – Sleeeeep.

9.00pm – Mum and Dad are home!!!! They’ve been away for months and months!!!! I wonder if they bought me a treat back from wherever they went?!?!?

9.10pm – Why do I have to sneak around the corner of the block to do a wee before bed? Can’t I just do it on the new carpet? What if it’s raining outside????

9.20pm – Last minute hunt for food before bed. I’m sure I’ve hidden some somewhere last night.

9.30pm – Dad’s ears need cleaning again.

9.35pm – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz