12 March 2021
Job Title: Nodder
Job overview: This role is to provide support for politician or other media ghoul. You will be a visible representation of the general agreement with everything the politician or other media ghoul says.
Specific requirements: Free movement of the neck.
Responsibilities: You are the embodiment of agreement with whatever is said by the relevant politician or other media ghoul.
Job duties: At every media engagement where the politician or other media ghoul is facing television cameras, you will stand either to the right or left behind the politician or other media ghoul – not far enough away to be not in focus of the television cameras, but not so close that your breath disturbs their combover/toupee. You will express non-verbal agreement with everything said. You will not display any verbal expressions other than general polite agreement.
Skills required: The ability to stand still (no fidgeting allowed), to maintain specific facial expressions (interest in whatever the politician or other media ghoul is saying), to be of a nondescript appearance. And of course, the primary and main skill, is to nod when the politician or other media ghoul, makes a point. You will need to either listen very carefully to what is said (or count until five seconds, and start nodding).
You must not, I repeat NOT, shake head unless specifically instructed to by the politician or media ghoul. You must not wipe, pick or blow your nose while on camera. Your eye line must remain steady. You must never look upwards, lest it be interpreted as disagreement with whatever the politician or other media ghoul has said.
If you are an experienced bidder, you may be offered the advanced responsibility role of smiling or quietly laughing if the politician or other media ghoul says something that is intended to be perceived as funny.
Remuneration package: Experienced nodders often pick up lucrative chiropractic or physiotherapist advertising roles after their politician or media ghoul has retired or has been retired from public interest.
Don’t forget to vote tomorrow, people of Western Australia!!