Grief (HLD 237)

14 Nov 2020

Yesterday in my extended family we had a wedding. A nephew married his long time girlfriend and a small number of family and friends got together to celebrate this wonderful time.

But seven months ago, the father of this nephew died in tragic circumstances, and their family is quite understandably still experiencing this loss intensely.

So can you experience both grief and happiness? While the entire family is excited for this beautiful couple about to start their married life, the whole event must carry undertones of simply who is missing.

I researched the stages of grief, and there are a lot of people with a lot of opinions about this subject. I’m sure they know what they’re talking about, but there’s no mention in any of these stages about how people deal with happy events, while working through the quagmire that is grief.

I do know that my sister, whose husband was the one who died, has ok times and bad times. There’s no rhyme or reason to when these times change, but most definitely experiencing a family event is right up there for encouraging the fluctuation of emotions.

I remember talking with a work friend whose daughter died very young, and at the time she told me she couldn’t watch comedy shows on television, because how could she laugh when her daughter could no longer do the same?

I also recall the same friend telling me that she needed to talk about her daughter, when a lot of people thought they were being helpful by not talking about what happened.

But does there come a time, such as a gathering like a wedding, or a Christmas get together, or a special birthday, when it would be helpful if not EVERYONE talked about the deceased loved one? And left you to process the emotions by yourself?

I am so pleased that my nephew and his lovely wife have made the commitment to travel through life as a married pair. And I particularly loved a quote from the bridal speech, where the bride said that she is a better version of herself, because of him.

It was such a lovely sentiment, and it spoke to me, particularly because that particular family is the very best version of the family they can be, because of who wasn’t at the wedding yesterday.

Live for today for none of us are guaranteed tomorrow, and congratulations to Noah and Jasmine 🙂

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