26 Dec 2020
It didn’t escape the notice of everyone that there wasn’t an edition of HLD yesterday.
I have a lot of excuses. Firstly it was Christmas Day and we did a day trip to Bunbury. But it’s not a very good excuse because I have knocked out a bit of (literary) diarrhoea while in the passenger seat of the car on previous occasions.
I could factor into that excuse the secondary factor of the dog not settling comfortably on the car, alternating between my shoulders, in her bed on my lap, in the back seat etc. Adding those two excuses together would probably be acceptable.
During the day, of course, there was no chance of sitting in a quiet corner and doing a bit of writing. There were no empty corners, and there was no quiet anywhere. I daresay people in nearby towns knew my in-laws had gathered.
A small factor that I refuse to use as an excuse was that there may have been some alcohol induced impairment of my thinking powers yesterday. It’s not really a valid excuse either, because a number of these things have been written with a glass of red wine by my side.
So, fresh out of excuses, I remembered a friend telling me about a book she received as a gift. It was a random excuse generator!
What a brilliant invention. Obviously this is something I need to have in my possession!
So, with the assistance of a number of internet sites that I browsed, I present my excuses for not producing an edition of HLD yesterday….
I was attending X-Factor auditions for the 10th year in a row.
I had a big hunch that horse #99 on the outside track was really going to shine that day.
My goldfish had a play date.
Winter is coming.
Mary Poppins kidnapped my children.
I accidentally drove to Rockingham and they have made me their queen.
I killed a mockingbird and now I’m having an existential crisis.
I have bridges to burn.
I have a serious case of can’t be arsed.
I wore a hat at a jaunty angle yesterday and I don’t know who I am anymore.
My bed and I have become one.
Two bumbling thieves were trying to break into my house and I had to plan and construct comedic traps to hamper them.
I have pre-diarrhoea (!!!!!!!!)
Would you believe me if I said the water meter guy and the gas meter guy were both leaving cards on my door about me not being home, and they got into a fight about whose meter was better, and I have to go home and clean up. I know you don’t believe me, but this is something I’ve gotta do.
OK, this is kinda hard to explain, but I’ve realized I might have superpowers and I just never tried them out, my place is fighting crime! Saving the day! You would do the same if you were in my place.
I needed to check into a rest home.
Hopefully you believe one of those excuses 🙂