ADULTS ONLY (HLD 293)

10 Jan 2021

Don’t get excited, it’s about the tooth fairy 🙂

Resting in a small jar at the back of one of my many bookcases, is a collection of teeth from two small boys.

I’m not a person who sneaks around stealing teeth from the mouths of small children. I am, in actual fact, the Tooth Fairy.

Scratch that – I’m a retired Tooth Fairy. I have that gig up over twenty years ago, but have still kept the hoard of chompers that I bought from my children. Sure – they didn’t know they were selling them at the time, but that’s was what the transaction was all about.

Incidentally, I have also worked in the past as the Easter Bunny and Father Christmas. I still moonlight as the Easter Bunny on occasions, but mainly to hide chocolate around my house that I will forget hiding and be very surprised when someone else finds it next year.

My intense research (5 minutes on maybe two websites) tell me that the Tooth Fairy is a relatively recent incarnation, although possibly derives from a 10th Century Norse tradition of something called “tooth fee”.

The tooth fairy is presented in some cultures as a tooth mouse, and there are other customs that people from various places and times have observed with children’s teeth. Some people buried them, some throw them on the roof, some throw them in the air to encourage new teeth to grow in straight.

But the difference between the flappy dental collector and other things like Santa is that the tooth fairy is very mysterious, having never been caught in person by small children in shopping centres and so forth. You don’t have to leave the tooth fairy any biscuits or milk like the old fat bloke in the red suit – all the fairy requires is a straight forward business transaction. Tooth=cash.

I remember a few panicked very early mornings when the tooth fairy may have gone to bed a bit tired and forgotten to effect the transaction. Luckily the tooth fairy’s assistant in our house was always a much earlier riser than anyone else.

There are a few funny stories floating around the internet regarding the work of the tooth fairy, and I thought I should share them with you.

Various parents….sorry, Tooth Fairy casual workers…. reported:

“Currently helping my kids make a ‘Get Well’ card for the Tooth Fairy, who is having wing surgery. Again….”

“What’s the proper amount of $ for tooth fairy to leave a child that makes them happy but doesn’t incentivise them to rip out rest of teeth?”

“Nobody tells you that a big part of parenting is burgling body parts from your sleeping children”.

“My friends daughter found a baby tooth her kitten had lost. She and her sister thought they could put one over on the tooth fairy. That night, the tooth under her pillow was replaced with a can of sardines”.

“Two children talking at the bus stop. One tells the other that her mum was the tooth fairy. Other child excitedly told her parents that night the exciting news that the Tooth Fairy lives right down the street!”.

And of course, there’s always the time that comes when your children start to work out what’s really happening…

A child aged seven tells his mum “Mum, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy!! They’re all nocturnal!”.

Have you got some children’s teeth hidden somewhere in your house too?

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