6 April 2020

Now I know the rest of you are all budding MasterChefs and follow recipes and so forth, but I’m more of a chuck-it-in-the-pot-and-see-what-comes-out sort of cook. I am very used to, on serving up such a masterpiece to Simon, getting asked “What’s this called??”, as if it wasn’t blindly obvious that it was scrambled eggs, or bolognaise, or similar.

But, just on the off-chance that you are like me, and are struggling to come up with ideas for feeding the family during this time of social distancing, and maybe just maybe a little fed up with having people hovering around you waiting for gourmet meals to magically appear from the kitchen (because how else do they appear??), I have generously decided to help you out with a little meal planner for the week. I’ll start it from Tuesday but feel free to adjust according to whenever you commence 🙂

Tuesday

Breakfast – get your own, you lazy sod.

Lunch – Cereal on toast. Do you have a problem with that?

Dinner – Eat it and be **ing grateful

Wednesday

Breakfast – haven’t you learned yet that breakfast isn’t my problem?

Lunch – Leftover “Eat it and be ***ing grateful”

Dinner – Mince. Lovingly blended with contents of the veggie drawer in fridge. Then baked. Let’s call it meatloaf for want of a better name.

Thursday

Breakfast – Contents of fruit bowl because apparently we have run out of cereal and yoghurt. And bread.

Lunch – Yes it is the dregs of everything left in the fridge but I can’t handle the thought of the shops just yet.

Dinner – Doesn’t matter how much effort I put into this, because I know you’re going to smother it with tomato sauce anyway.

Friday

Breakfast – Don’t care.

Lunch – Reheated Don’t care.

Dinner – Why yes it IS mince again, thanks for asking.

Saturday

Breakfast – Bacon and Eggs on fresh spinach. For the dog. Don’t care what the rest of you have.

Lunch – What does it look like?

Dinner – Yes it is fish but believe me there are more likely ways to die than from a tiny hint of a bone.

Sunday

Breakfast – Eggs with other stuff. Probably scrambled eggs. Maybe an omelet. Let’s wait and see.

Lunch – Cold Collation (ie anything in fridge that doesn’t need to be cooked)

Dinner – Eat it and be ***ing grateful (firm family favourite!)

Monday

Breakfast – Do you still live here?

Lunch – What does it look like?

Dinner – Uber eats, but my choice.