6 April 2020
Now I know the rest of you are all budding MasterChefs and follow recipes and so forth, but I’m more of a chuck-it-in-the-pot-and-see-what-comes-out sort of cook. I am very used to, on serving up such a masterpiece to Simon, getting asked “What’s this called??”, as if it wasn’t blindly obvious that it was scrambled eggs, or bolognaise, or similar.
But, just on the off-chance that you are like me, and are struggling to come up with ideas for feeding the family during this time of social distancing, and maybe just maybe a little fed up with having people hovering around you waiting for gourmet meals to magically appear from the kitchen (because how else do they appear??), I have generously decided to help you out with a little meal planner for the week. I’ll start it from Tuesday but feel free to adjust according to whenever you commence 🙂
Tuesday
Breakfast – get your own, you lazy sod.
Lunch – Cereal on toast. Do you have a problem with that?
Dinner – Eat it and be **ing grateful
Wednesday
Breakfast – haven’t you learned yet that breakfast isn’t my problem?
Lunch – Leftover “Eat it and be ***ing grateful”
Dinner – Mince. Lovingly blended with contents of the veggie drawer in fridge. Then baked. Let’s call it meatloaf for want of a better name.
Thursday
Breakfast – Contents of fruit bowl because apparently we have run out of cereal and yoghurt. And bread.
Lunch – Yes it is the dregs of everything left in the fridge but I can’t handle the thought of the shops just yet.
Dinner – Doesn’t matter how much effort I put into this, because I know you’re going to smother it with tomato sauce anyway.
Friday
Breakfast – Don’t care.
Lunch – Reheated Don’t care.
Dinner – Why yes it IS mince again, thanks for asking.
Saturday
Breakfast – Bacon and Eggs on fresh spinach. For the dog. Don’t care what the rest of you have.
Lunch – What does it look like?
Dinner – Yes it is fish but believe me there are more likely ways to die than from a tiny hint of a bone.
Sunday
Breakfast – Eggs with other stuff. Probably scrambled eggs. Maybe an omelet. Let’s wait and see.
Lunch – Cold Collation (ie anything in fridge that doesn’t need to be cooked)
Dinner – Eat it and be ***ing grateful (firm family favourite!)
Monday
Breakfast – Do you still live here?
Lunch – What does it look like?
Dinner – Uber eats, but my choice.
